Well, it looks like Dean is not getting any overtime.
Once again, his lacklustre performance, given he has the resources of the US government, is typical of government work.
Let’s look at the timeline (I may have taken some artistic licence with some of the details [I don’t actually know Dean’s name] but it’s otherwise accurate):
Friday – Rushing home to Krissy (his transgender, furry, catboi boyfriend) he forgets his NSA control/access/hack panel open. Loyal readers immediately warn me of the issue and literally no one actually takes advantage of the gaping hole in he left in what used to be my site’s entrance door.
Saturday and Sunday – Dean is deep in Krissy and vice versa all-weekend, in a drug-fuelled yet also somehow impotent and sad sexual frenzy. Meanwhile, large, electronic computers with many flashing lights, like the ones aboard the death star, come on line. AI begins routine checks and plugging security holes and quarantining infected things. By Sunday evening the blog is back up.
Monday – In a continuing fugue state of cinematic hacker montage the battle starts up again and seems to defeat my efforts and the supercomputer AI. Dean doesn’t have too good a time if it though. His supervisor (they/xhem) is furious about Dean leaving his console open. Dean deftly explains it was all part of his plan, in order to let random strangers in my door and pillage and ruin the blog. The supervisor doesn’t buy it initially, I mean, dean had been shadowbanning, unlinking, and deleting posts for months and months. The supervisor reminds Dean that it is a known fact that any attack on this troublesome Kurgan can result in his producing even more work that feeds the souls of their enemies. Dean counters saying that because the reach is not that large, the blog will be devoured by random hate-readers and cause more chaos and confusion, neutralising me for good. The supervisor is skeptical but keeps Dean on, though denying him the request for OT pay and working through the coming weekend.
Tuesday-Thursday – Dean flexes! He is still in the system and begins trying to lock me out while causing other infections and damage. Hacker-fight montage continues. A bit overlong.
Friday – Control of the site is regained, though with some functionality disabled. Dean leaves work for the weekend dejected. Krissy will likely have to take off the gimp costume and whip Dean in their dungeon just to lift his morale.
Saturday – The Kurgan Empire’s massive supercomputer identifies further vulnerabilities and generates instructions to combat them. Patiently, our hero works through these, banishing Dean to a demotion and possibly overdose of cocaine, when he tries to cope with the lack of dopamine and libido this sorry state of affairs results in, which leads Krissy to threaten to leave Dean for the local Bear in S&M clothing they both have run into at their regular gay bar. Krissy’s ultimatum: “Buck up or I’ll shack up with Buck-Bear from the Purple Plantain!”
Sunday – The Kurganate goes to Mass and rests. Dean dejectedly contemplates electroshock therapy as a possible means of reverting depression, and possibly his sexuality too.
Monday – TBC! Will Krissy leave Dean? Will the Kurgan have finally blocked, exorcised and purified the homosexual infiltration on his blog with cleansing fire? Will Dean return? And just how much cocaine does the CIA provide to the NSA?
US Fed hacker works 9-5
Well, it looks like Dean is not getting any overtime.
Once again, his lacklustre performance, given he has the resources of the US government, is typical of government work.
Let’s look at the timeline (I may have taken some artistic licence with some of the details [I don’t actually know Dean’s name] but it’s otherwise accurate):
Friday – Rushing home to Krissy (his transgender, furry, catboi boyfriend) he forgets his NSA control/access/hack panel open.
Loyal readers immediately warn me of the issue and literally no one actually takes advantage of the gaping hole in he left in what used to be my site’s entrance door.
Saturday and Sunday – Dean is deep in Krissy and vice versa all-weekend, in a drug-fuelled yet also somehow impotent and sad sexual frenzy. Meanwhile, large, electronic computers with many flashing lights, like the ones aboard the death star, come on line. AI begins routine checks and plugging security holes and quarantining infected things. By Sunday evening the blog is back up.
Monday – In a continuing fugue state of cinematic hacker montage the battle starts up again and seems to defeat my efforts and the supercomputer AI.
Dean doesn’t have too good a time if it though. His supervisor (they/xhem) is furious about Dean leaving his console open. Dean deftly explains it was all part of his plan, in order to let random strangers in my door and pillage and ruin the blog.
The supervisor doesn’t buy it initially, I mean, dean had been shadowbanning, unlinking, and deleting posts for months and months.
The supervisor reminds Dean that it is a known fact that any attack on this troublesome Kurgan can result in his producing even more work that feeds the souls of their enemies.
Dean counters saying that because the reach is not that large, the blog will be devoured by random hate-readers and cause more chaos and confusion, neutralising me for good.
The supervisor is skeptical but keeps Dean on, though denying him the request for OT pay and working through the coming weekend.
Tuesday-Thursday – Dean flexes! He is still in the system and begins trying to lock me out while causing other infections and damage.
Hacker-fight montage continues. A bit overlong.
Friday – Control of the site is regained, though with some functionality disabled. Dean leaves work for the weekend dejected. Krissy will likely have to take off the gimp costume and whip Dean in their dungeon just to lift his morale.
Saturday – The Kurgan Empire’s massive supercomputer identifies further vulnerabilities and generates instructions to combat them. Patiently, our hero works through these, banishing Dean to a demotion and possibly overdose of cocaine, when he tries to cope with the lack of dopamine and libido this sorry state of affairs results in, which leads Krissy to threaten to leave Dean for the local Bear in S&M clothing they both have run into at their regular gay bar. Krissy’s ultimatum: “Buck up or I’ll shack up with Buck-Bear from the Purple Plantain!”
Sunday – The Kurganate goes to Mass and rests. Dean dejectedly contemplates electroshock therapy as a possible means of reverting depression, and possibly his sexuality too.
Monday – TBC!
Will Krissy leave Dean?
Will the Kurgan have finally blocked, exorcised and purified the homosexual infiltration on his blog with cleansing fire?
Will Dean return?
And just how much cocaine does the CIA provide to the NSA?
Tune in early next week to find out!
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