The videos of Orion Teraban are generally good advice and this one is too, concerning what he refers to as the present day dating market.
However, it is not correct to say that things were really any different ten or even twenty years ago.
I have been essentially out of the dating market since early 2017 now, but I was certainly in it from about 2004 or 2005 until then, with a hiatus of some 5 years or so between 2008-9 and early 2013 which is how long my second marriage lasted. Before that, online dating wasn’t really a thing for me because I had been in a long relationship since before the internet until that ended and I met my first wife shortly thereafter, which sort of imploded about the 2004/2005 point.
There are some observations I found interesting in comparing my own experience with what Orion states in the above-linked video, and as these may be useful to younger men that are still in the process, I thought it would be useful to share them.
The first point is that the advice concerning the having high hopes but low expectations is absolutely correct and is probably pivotal if you’re not going to he a bitter and resentful weirdo. Personally, maybe because of my slightly autistic but high IQ perspective, this was never really an issue after a certain point. At first my main frustration was really more about my perception that women’s brains appeared not to function properly. Logic appeared to be a mystery to them and when you layered that on top of the basic 30 point IQ communication gap that I tend to have with most people, it honestly felt as if I was trying to have a meaningful relationship with monkeys.
If you are a woman reading, I realise how all this sounds misogynistic, etc. etc. But your feelings on the matter are irrelevant, because this is not about you, but rather my lived experience. So, you can either continue reading and possibly learn something about male and female interactions that may be useful to you, or you can get offended and stop reading or rage against it, either way, my life and perspective will not change one iota. So, comport yourself accordingly, and consider this your lesson number one in basic logic.
Now, returning to us, men, the experience felt disturbing to me because on the one hand I had the vague idea (instilled by boomer lies) that men and women were supposed to have equivalent brains, and on the other, my lived experience was that I was generally dealing with creatures that were possibly more akin to a pet you can have sex with than a real, thinking, human being.
It seemed to me that the female brain was hardly at all interested in any of the abstract things that interested me on almost any level, and were instead apparently fixated almost entirely on the human interaction level, to the point that gossip, drama, and needless emotional negativity consumed their lives. The only positive aspect of this was the sexual component, in which they could become as interested as I was, even if they started out relatively tame. Once I demonstrated to them certain aspects of their own physical and/or mental sexuality they had either not explored or encountered before, they generally speaking became, sexually at least, quite entertaining. And they quite often also mistook sexual compatibility with being deeply in love. A facet I tried very hard to prevent them from confusing, certainly when I was not interested in them in that way.
I did not want to have a pet-like relationship where the main component of the relation was essentially only great sex. It got to the point where I started to worry that I would end up seeing women in general as just that, creatures to have sex with but not even bother trying to engage in any other meaningful discourse. I knew this was not reality either, though it also quickly became obvious that the boomer lie of equality between male and female brains was just that: an outrageous lie.
As a result I also took up reading about the differences between male and female brains and although the literature on it is scant (because God forbid anyone tells the truth, doing so gets you cancelled if not incarcerated these days) one of the more useful books on it is Mapping the Mind by Rita Carter. Though I note with some cynicism that the linked book is an “updated and revised” edition, so I am not sure if it still says the things it used to or if the “updating” has resulted in a sanitising of any politically “unacceptable” facts.
At any rate, the reality is that the male and female brains have noticeable structural differences. And once you know this, a basic grasp of logic will immediately tell you two things:
One: they will perform differently
Two: they will have developed (or been created) differently for a reason that is valid in reality, regardless of what political narratives by homoglobos, boomers, satanists, feminists, or anyone else, will tell you to the contrary.
In large part, that is how I developed my Caveman Theory, (see books I wrote) and using it as a model certainly proved very useful in my life.
What changed for me was that I began to study the women I dated more as a scientist might, and noted a number of behaviours that while irrational in the specifics of my circumstances with them, had an original logical and biological imperative behind it. Once I catalogued these behaviours and recognised their origins as per my model of reality, it was then just a matter of on the one hand accepting reality as it is, which was the easy part for me, and on the other, reconciling what my tolerance for humanity could be raised to without me losing my mind.
I discovered that I could genuinely enjoy the company of women, regardless of what I would have labelled as their chicken-headed behaviour a few years earlier, as long as it was somewhat limited, or at least when they had a certain level of self-awareness. Women that were aware of their irrational behaviour were quite entertaining and even endearing at times, which made up at least for a bit of the times they behaved essentially insanely from a male perspective.
The change was that I had gone from processing women as:
beings incapable of reason that had only sex and a generic companionship level to offer for the relative trouble having them around entailed
To:
Partial aliens that had biological motivations stuck in reasons that originated from millennia in the past if not millions of years ago.
Suddenly they were interesting beings again, and I could appreciate them not just generally but also at the individual level.
Yet, I was also aware that becoming overly invested in one of them that did not cross the threshold of minimum ability to reason and be self-aware that I required, was a stupid thing to do and entirely my fault.
This realisation was of course gradual and only improved over time. Nor did it necessarily make me aware of various pitfalls that can be encountered, such as getting involved with narcissists that have oscar-like acting abilities, and ignoring various red flags because you’re into exploring all the facets of this partially alien species.
The outcome, from a purely secular standpoint is indeed a rather brutal one. You will bounce from one woman to the next, leaving behind the ones who you can’t tolerate beyond a certain level or who vice-versa can’t tolerate you.
It is true that in this purely secular mode, it becomes easy enough to bed various women and it is true that in that milieu, you find plenty of women who also are just interested in the sex and not much else. Certainly I had plenty of encounters where the main factor was just to satisfy our respective curiosity of each other’s bodies. Those situations usually lasted no more than a few days, and sometimes only mere hours.
But then you realise too that even though you are now able to fulfil pretty much any purely sexual desire you may have, there is still something missing.
Considering women as a kind of partially alien species still does not permit that level of intimacy that gives you a sense of deep fulfilment. Yet, at the same time, and paradoxically, as so many deep truths are, if all you focus on is your desire for that deep connection, you are almost certain to never get it, or experience it, other than perhaps only as your own delusion; which is all the more devastating when the illusion inevitably collapses, and the faux-relationship ends.
It was then that I realised that the only thing left in terms of relationship challenge and goals was the very thing that boomers have advised my generation against all our lives: creating a family and having children.
My first attempt at this succeeded only insofar as my daughter was created, but failed by every other metric after which I had a revelatory experience and began to study the reality I had encountered concerning the reality of a Loving God I had never really believed in before.
In reading parts of the New Testament I realised that the nature of the relationship between a man and a woman that led to the creation of functional families, was not only absolutely correct and made perfect sense, but it was also so far removed from my own experience and even way of seeing things that it might as well be in another Galaxy.
I resolved to simply drift through life with whatever female companionship I could tolerate. I had no specific need for a permanent relationship, personal loyalty beyond a few (but relatively absolute) aspects, or even much in the way of connection beyond any woman I had anything to do with not irritating me past a certain level.
I did not try to mask any of these realities and I still wasn’t short of female companionship, but I was mostly indifferent to it beyond some biological and emotional basic needs for sex, some human connection, and a certain level of peace.
Gradually however, as I deepened my understanding of God, and concluded the Christian God was the real one, and more specifically the Catholic God, and even more specifically that only the sedevacantists were still actual Catholics, a natural, organic, and quite honestly mysterious change came over me, and in some way, mysterious and unknowable in human words, yet, life, God, myself, and the Universe, all seemed to conspire to get another, extremely unlikely one, to come closer to me over time and then, all of a sudden, in one day, move in with me.
The first few years were certainly difficult, and there are plenty of practical issues left even today, but for the most part, the emotional and intellectual ones we have worked out. And in some ways though we have been married 7 years already, it all feels as if it happened a few weeks ago. And in other ways it feels as if we have been together for 40 years.
The difference between my marriage now, the only one I did as a baptised Catholic in a Church with all the correct Catholic procedures for it by a real Catholic priest and also a Bishop, and the relationships I had before, is not something that is in any way easy to put into words.
What I can say without ANY hesitation at all is that it beats all the other experiences put together in terms of fulfilment and peace it brings to my life.
The connection is real and deep and although generally speaking my wife is not especially interested in astronomy, martial arts, or even, the theological details of Catholicism, I certainly can converse with her about pretty much any topic and she is more than capable of keeping up with any of them, being as there is no IQ communication gap, and this is undoubtedly absolutely fundamental for me. And although women on that IQ range definitely have a bunch of quirks, some of them truly trying for an impatient man like myself, (for example, she simply has no conception of time, and can take hours to get ready then sometimes do it in minutes, but it’s a process so random that no computer will ever be able to model it), I can handle them, because the positives she brings —in far more important aspects of life— clearly outweigh any minor irritants.
But none of this can transmit the sensation of connection I have with her that goes beyond anything I can explain in secular terms. We just barely even have the words in any language to even address it, and I don’t intend to try.
My best advice to you is to first discover the truth about God, the rest will take care of itself.
My book Caveman Theory is geared towards secular people, but the thread in it is based on pure logic and if you can do logic well, the natural place you end up at, by the way, is the same one that Catholics have taken for centuries:
Proper marriage and making children.
May you find your right path.
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On Art
Vox posted this on his blog:
Which doesn’t necessarily mean he believes or agrees with it. It may have just been a discussion prompt as he asked for comments on SG.
My reply was:
I also added that over the years I have noticed that I tend to have a rather instinctive sense about artists, based on my reaction to their art.
It definitely refined over time, so while as a teenager I read most of Arthur C. Clarke’s SF books and a lot of Asimov’s I was left increasingly disappointed by Clarke’s work, finding it obscurely unsatisfying and unrelatable at a human level, and Asimov’s too dry to really be applicable to humanity.
Turns out Clarke was a pedophile and Asimov raised one. Which i only discovered on the last decade or two.
I never bought a book by John Scalzi or Neil Gaiman either because I read a paragraph or two of their books and had a visceral reaction of creepy nerdy vibe. I knew nothing about either man and their work was being pushed as being good at the time. I bought and never could get past the first few pages of the Mists of Avalon by Zimmer Bradley, even though I knew nothing of the abuse her and her pedophile husband had inflicted on their own daughter at the time.
I have never eead a single page of anything George R.R. Martin has written, and I never will.
There are paintings, architecture and styles of writing that give me an instant sense of disgust on some level and that I want nothing to do with.
I cannot claim any deeply conscious aspect of this. In fact I put it down to the same unconscious sense I may get from first meeting a person, when that sense is similarly negative.
With living humans in the flesh, I know it generally is an effect of thin slicing, which I think was about the only real aspect that Malcom Gladwell defined in his book Blink. His other work is really not very impressive and perhaps Blink too could have been reduced to an article length concept. The point is that I have travelled a lot, observed a lot of different people from different cultures and studied obsessively things like various philosophies, hypnosis, what little is known of the human brain and mind, done martial arts for decades and worked in life or death close protection for a number of years.
All things that will tend to expose you to many different human behaviours, and it is inevitable you develop a certain ability to spot deceptive or otherwise negative behaviour or intent.
But when it comes to art, absent the artist in the flesh, I think any ability I may have for discernment is likely tied to a sense of beauty that is, at least on some level, connected to the divine.
Beauty is one of the classical virtues, and also the most subtle, and in a way, the one closest to love. It was by noticing sunsets and flowers, on hikes, in the city, generally in life, that I first understood at an experiential level, that creation was indeed created, and not accidental, as well as that it was created both with a vast intelligence, and a loving one.
I had done the math years earlier, when still a teenager, so I knew the atheist theory was nonsensical, nevertheless, I remained essentially Zen-Agnostic for many years since, because all i could tell was that it was intelligently and apparently mostly benevolently created, but little beyond that. You can verify this if you read my The Face on Mars, where I stated that I was aware of an intelligence behind creation, even as I discussed things from an almost entirely secular scientific perspective.
In short; the art ALWAYS exposes the artist, and as such, the observer, whether consciously or not, and wether correctly or erroneously, always judges the artist.
Which is as it should be.
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By G | 16 August 2024 | Posted in Social Commentary